What does confidence mean to me? What was the most effective way to build my confidence in 2020/21 both inside and outside of university?
I used to believe you could only be confident if you knew everything, if you knew exactly what to do in every situation you come across. I thought any form of learning curve made confidence an unobtainable goal. I am eternally grateful that my job changed this harmful narrative. Working in an underfunded care home in the midst of a pandemic taught me that confidence is not knowledge, it is faith that your knowledge is enough. Now I view confidence as the belief that I have the ability to manage challenging situations.
When I started working, I thought I needed more experience, I thought learning on the job did the residents a disservice. This lack of confidence nearly made me quit before I began. But I turned up for my first day… where I was thrown in the deep end. All the other staff were busy whilst a man with dementia and COVID-19 started to defecate on the floor whilst screaming and trying to punch me. Surely, I couldn’t deal with this alone? But I knew I had to do something. I put on my PPE, helped him to his room, washed him, changed his clothes, cleaned up the mess on the floor and stayed with him for an hour until he was calm, and we were chatting. I entered that experience thinking that because I had not learnt a list of procedures, I couldn’t handle the situation, however, my instincts kicked in and I knew what he needed. My success here challenged how I view my own abilities. It made me realise confidence is faith not perfection, this realisation built up my confidence massively.
This newfound confidence carried into my academic life. The second year of my degree felt like an enormous challenge. I was struggling with imposter syndrome and felt I wasn’t smart enough to be at a Russel group university. But when exams and assignments came around, I was prepared with the faith that I would do my best and my best would be enough for a pass and even first-class grades!
This fresh perspective on confidence had major implications for planning my future career. I always wanted to become a clinical psychologist, but the competition is fierce and the work demanding. A year ago, I would have said I can’t actually achieve this goal, everyone knows more than me and I’m not good enough. But now I have faith that I can achieve my ambitions, I can handle the challenges that come with this job. The shift in my view of confidence gave me the chance to chase my lifelong dream career! I intend to continue building my confidence by pushing myself out of comfort zone via volunteering, sport, and academia. I hope this blog post inspires you to tackle a challenging situation and realise your potential!
